I was going through a phase
by theoriginalmcgoo
Summary: Clara hasn't ever liked somebody. Sure she's like plenty of people in a purely platonic way, but she's never really liked somebody. Not even the tiniest crush, and now she's sixteen, and she thinks that something's wrong with her. Clara/Nina


For the sake of this piece, Nina is the girl we see with Clara in the graveyard at the end of The Snowmen

Clara hasn't ever liked somebody. Sure she's like plenty of people in a purely platonic way, but she's never really _liked_ somebody. Not even the tiniest crush, and now she's sixteen, and she thinks that something's wrong with her.

That is, until Nina comes along.

Nina's new in sixth form, and she's beautiful, with wild, dark hair and piercing eyes and a smile that knocks Clara right off her feet when she first lays eyes on her.

It literally knocks her off her feet, because Clara's getting off the bus when she see's her. Their eyes meet, and Nina flashes that smile, and Clara could swear there were no more steps because she misses the final one, hitting the ground with a thud.

The thing with a school like Clara's, is that unless you're a particular type of _somebody_, you may as well not exist. The somebodies are loud and confident and are never afraid to speak their minds. Clara's the furthest anyone could possibly be from that. She's quiet, and only voices her opinion when specifically asked for it. She has her select group of friends, and if they aren't around she's got nobody. She's the kind that no one notices. So nobody helps.

Or so it should be, except she feels a hand on her arm, helping her to her feet, and fingers brushing her hair out of her face and a gentle voice asking, "are you alright?"

It's so surprising, that all she can manage is a barely-there nod, while her brain registers who it is talking to her. It's the very reason she tripped in the first place.

"I'm Nina. I'm new here."

"C-Clara." She may be quiet, and she may be reserved, but she's not a stutterer. _What has this girl turned her into?_

"That's a lovely name."

"Thanks." With anybody else, Clara would take this as the end of the conversation, making a polite excuse and walking off, but with Nina it's different. For God's sakes she tripped because of her, and there's something entirely compelling about the girl before her.

(She'll later realise that this completely new feeling was a crush, for the first time in her life.)

"Do you know where you're going?" That was unexpected. Clara has never been able to hold a good conversation, so it's the last thing she expects herself to say.

Nina half laughs in return, "No, not really. Do you mind showing me?"

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean- of course I will." Nina doesn't even seem fazed by her stuttering, and laughs again before beginning to walk towards the school.

It isn't long before Nina's welcomed into Clara's friend group, turning five into six. She's the kind of person who could be one of the somebodies if she wanted, but she never seemed to try. Clara knows that if she, Nina, wanted, she could drop them in seconds, but she doesn't, which makes Clara feel better than she should.

By mid December, three and a half months after they met, Clara has addressed these _feelings_ as something more than a friend. More, even, than a best friend. She's realised that maybe she wants more out of this than just platonic friend love.

It scares her. A lot.

She thought something was wrong with her before, when she didn't feel this way about anybody. She thinks it even more so now.

The nights when she lies awake thinking about Nina, about the way she feels towards Nina, those are the nights she wishes she could go back to thinking something was wrong with her.

She's not gay. She's Clara. She can't be gay.

Except she accepts, late one night, well into the spring of the next year, that maybe she is.

Or maybe she's not gay, maybe it's a phase. Maybe it's just Nina.

Either way, she's changed a lot since they met. Nina's confident, wild, attitude has rubbed off on her. Clara's gone from being the girl who sits quietly in every class, speaking only when spoken to, to the girl who still doesn't speak up, but makes jokes and comments under her breath to anyone sitting close enough to hear.

She's more self-assured. She's sassy. She's got a comeback for everything.

It doesn't mean she still doesn't observe everything around her carefully. She still see's the way Nina's mouth quirks up slightly with pride every time she makes a witty comment about something.

(She hopes she never stops noticing that.)

It's the beginning of summer when she kisses her.

They're lying side by side on Clara's bed, on a characteristically wet British evening. Over the past few months, Clara's noticed their personalities switching, at least when they're together. Nina gets quieter, Clara speaks out more. Nina is more reserved, Clara doesn't think as much before she does things.

Like kissing Nina. Clara doesn't think at all before she does that.

Nina says something, something about a book she's been reading, and the bedside light casts a shadow over part of her face and before Clara can stop herself, she's got a knee on either side of her hips and one hand on her arm and one in her hair and they're kissing and _they're kissing_. Nina's kissing back, and she's not stopping.

"You're not stopping." She pulls back and looks Nina dead in the eye.

"I've wanted you to do that for a while."

"But you're so confident. If it's what you wanted you could have just gone for it. It would have made everything so much easier."

Nina breaks eye contact and mumbles, "You make me shy."

It makes Clara's heart swell and then she's laughing, at how stupid she was for waiting so long, at how happy she is in this moment, and she's laughing so hard that she collapses on top of Nina, laughing until they're both too tired from laughing and they just lie there.

They lie there until Nina's phone rings, and it's her mother, wanting her home.

Nina kisses her goodbye at the door and Clara's never felt happier.

They keep it a secret until the end of that summer, because they don't see anyone they need to tell anyway. Nina was already out to her parents (and how did Clara not know that, and why did Nina not see fit to say so) and Clara's parents were hardly around, so there wasn't much secret keeping.

They spend the last day of the summer in the woods near Clara's home, kissing, and almost more, until Clara declares that they have to leave before she get's caught doing something indecent to her.

(A year ago, she would not have said that. Then again, this is not the same Clara from a year ago.)

It's obvious what she has in mind when she winks and takes Nina's hand.

Nina stops to tie her lace at the edge of a graveyard, and Clara walks on through.

"Where are you going?"

"Shortcut!"

"But I hate this place! Don't you think it's creepy?" For a second Clara considers turning back, taking the long way round, but then she remembers exactly why she's taking the shortcut. She's about to explain, but something else comes out of her mouth first.

"Nah. I don't believe in ghosts."

She doesn't know why she said it. All she knows is that it felt right. Kind of like a lot of things in the past year.

Things happen, and two years later Clara and Nina break up. It's mutual, and amicable, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Clara finds herself on Starship Alaska, and then there's some uncertainty, and then she's in a room, baking soufflés, talking to a man with one hell of a chin.

She's almost forgotten about Nina by now, her mind drifting back every now and then to her last few years of school.

She's almost forgotten, and then she's joking with Rory, and accidentally mentions Nina.

"I was going through a phase."

She wasn't though, because she's a lot more interested in Rory's (ex?) wife than in him or the doctor.

She only says it because it makes it hurt less. Nina was her first everything. It's always going to be that way.


End file.
